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Just because Rio Tinto has nothing whatever to do with Rio de Janeiro there is no reason why we can't do some cheesy Samba gags. After the last two years or so as the planet's fourth biggest miner, we think Rio Tinto could be a right little raver.

Experian is a bit big brothery really. It monitors your credityworthiness and tells the banks who is a good bet to lend to. We are looking at a company which migh be one to ride out the credit storm, er, there has got to be a joke in there somewhere.

Xstrata is a very serious mining company with a very silly name. It makes holes all over the place and digs out hard commodities like there was no tomorrow. So, forgive us - because we think this is a good share, but we just had to have some fun with it.

Rexam as a maker of cans, tins or whatever kind of container you want to name, it is a good idea. After all, if you don't want to fill your portfolio with the stock, you can always stuff yourself with spaghetti hoops.

Indeed Pennon's business is all about effluent, all about turning your waste into heat, light and power. And this we reckon could be one answer to a future. A dividend in waste you might say.

Those who had been saving for their retirement have been losing their savings while seeing public sector workers retiring at 50 on fat pensions. Behold, then, a radical thinker, former Government pensions adviser Dr Ros Altmann.

Star Date 2191.7. USS Inmarsat is the company circling the home planet trying to make a few space credits for its shareholders. Top-tech stuff, Inmarsat, but can it bring low tech good news to the poor investor?

iBall has pointed out that while some things in the US have changed like never before, some things never will. One of them is that good companies in which to invest will never go away, in this case GE, one of the others is Fox News.

How much has been learned by the world from which this evil spectre was created in the first place? There is only one way to find out and with apologies to Jeremy Paxman, let’s have a quiz.

Burberry has undergone a bigger makeover than Daneilla Westbrook's septum. So we think it might well be a pretty cool accessory for your portfolio. So get some. Or you're dead.

You've read all about the Booker Prize, but have you read about Booker, our biggest cash & carry? When we are out there hunting for shares that provide us with good value - why not buy them in big plastic buckets...

Howdy folks. If there is one thing we luurve at iBall it is the sound of gold being extricated, uhm, dug, from them thar hills. So, saddle up and head on down to the Stock Exchange and dig out a bit of value for yourself.

Perhaps the Chingford Skinhead aka Norman Tebbitt was right. He took a lot of stick when he first suggested you should take to your bike if you needed a job... but they are now so it's good news for Halfords investors. On yer bike my son!

These are terrible times, especially if you are in construction and er, trying to build something. Why should we be liking Carillion? Well, let's ask the editor of Crunch news.

Remember Jackanory? Remember the tale of the three little pigs? So do we... Obviously with the banking crisis going on, there has to be a few winners, when the dust settles and all. Yep. Barclays.

Power stations are big news right now as clean energies were stipulated in Mr Darling’s world-first ‘carbon neutral’ Budget. It would seem paradoxical then (good word! – Ed) that Drax seems to be doing extremely well for its investors.

Well, it may not have been the history’s most exciting budget. We were expecting that, so we added a little excitement. So click here for an unusual take on the Budget 2009.

If you want to ride out a storm there is one thing you need, an umbrella. L&G would seem to have deployed it's famous multi-coloured brolly to do just that. Equally famous was its dividend. That's was, folks...

Spam is as much of a part of everyday life today as it was in the 60s. Except that is, it is no longer luncheon meat. But DM Plc (which stands for Direct Marketing) knows better than anyone that the reason there is so much spam is because it works.

The search goes on for a decent investment peg on which you can hang your hat, so to speak. In which case we might consider that old High Street favourite Debenhams where you can hang your hat, clothes, bedspreads and pretty much anything else.

You would have thought anything based in Suffolk with an extra e on the end would be a bit oldy-worldy. But not a bit of it – as far as a decent share punt goes, Greene King sups with the gods.

With the British High Street struggling to come to terms with the recession there are some terrific bargains about. Some say there isn't much you can buy for a pound these days. Nonsense, we say. Welcome then to the Pound Investor.

Prudential. Once an insurance Colossus that bestrode Holborn Bars in Victorian Gothic magnificence. But the Man from the Pru has undergone a profound spiritual change. To keep its share price buoyant it has turned to the East...

Sporting Bet

Seemed like there was a party going on in the City. A city under seige, huh? No-one wearing a suit, bad haircuts, no shoe polish. Hell, sounds like our kind of day out. Let's go and see what the fuss is about!

In a genuine iBall exclusive Alison Bell presents an interview with the founder of a brand new British bank. CitizenBank is an entirely new concept based on a historic provision last seen in the 1930s age of deep depression.

TV shopping channels are more than just good manicures and pile ‘em high and ship ‘em out goods, they are also about shares. The more shoppers stay at home, the more value they think they are getting, the better we think Ideal World’s shares will do.

Hands up if you love the 1970's. Kitch, flock wallpaper, flares and Ford Cortinas? Also, it was a time of proper crime, a time when villains wore stocking masks and suede jackets. They certainly didn't walk about in pinstriped suit...

Ships! Or car crashes, burglars or house fires for that matter. Well that isn’t strictly true but as far as the shares are concerned it might have the wind gauge. Their is about as irritating as wet woolen breeches in a full Force nine, we like it.

There's nothing more pitiable than a modern-day banker fallen on hard times.So what are they going to do with their time now? Pawnbroking would seem like an obvious choice. Except that someone else has got there first.

For an investor, Northern Foods may have been missing the point. Investors absolutely love to gorge on junk food, yum. Not that we would accuse Northern Foods of making junk. No siree, what they make is delicious, nutritious and, hopefully, profitable.

Turn it over in your head. When you think about it, Unilever is a rather onomatapaeic name. We mean you could not guess what it is they make, because they pretty much make everything, but all those things we will all need regardless of recession.

Unilever Plc

We rather like MedicX because it is embracing the latest thinking in NHS policy. While NHS policy seems to vacillate more wildly than a junkie’s ECG, we think this is a tidy little company...

We love it when we get it right, especially when we pick out a share and then it does really well. When we tipped GW last time we have been a little bit cheeky about their customers. Sorry about that. So sorry we have put it right. Bwuhahahahaha!

Travelzest Plc

Sage Group Plc.

Today, it’s time for a company with proper prospects. (Pause) Better prospects even than Prince William in a nightclub (pause) with a wallet full of curry flavoured condoms. Indeed (pause) such good prospects does Clarkson have (pause) that we have decided to make a show full of cheesy gags about a famous television presenter. Even though (pause) they have absolutely nothing in common...

RBS is the story right now. What is the future of this once great edifice of Scottish banking? Where will it go? With the shares bouncing around at just above 20p, could it be there are years of growth to come when all this settles down?

The late, great Ingmar Bermann made some of the most important if not dullest films in the history of cinema. Which, paradoxically, is why we like OneclickHR. Super company that solves some of your dullest but most important problems.

Pearson is a frequently misunderstood company. Some people think it is dull, for example. But they could not be more wrong, because in times like this and as far as a share is concerned... ...we think Pearson is as hard as a Tungsten safe full of anvils.

No sooner had we written this and filmed it than Cadbury goes and files some monster results. Never let it be said that we, the only comedy investment show in the UK, does not give you some good news. Then again, chocolate is always good news...

Nighthawk was born in 1942 and named after characters in an Edward Hopper painting. Nice though that is, we are much more interested in the good old-fashioned dosh it might realise. Besides, harking back to 1942 was something we simply could not resist.

Whatever happens in the world, you would have thought people will still pop a can or put a little something in their gin. So, forgive the insultingly simple thinking, but why not get into some?

Tobacco is well known as a defensive stock in difficult times. Share investing is as addictive as smoking and, in theory, creates money rather than burns it. Another advantage of investing is that you do not have to go and stand in the street to do it.

Nooooo! Jimmmmy! You remember those public information films from the 1970s? The ones where the risk taking kids frazzle in electricity sub-stations. National Grid is a good punt, but you have got to be really, really careful with electricity...

Naturally, we would be a bit biased about broadcasting, since we are of course the UK&#39s number one investment show, hem. hem. But, Vitec is the firm that makes the picks and shovels. Well, sort of.

In times like this there is nothing wrong at all with a bit of nostaligia. Thinking back to a more elegant time when life was much simpler and more controlled. Besides, if it all comes to pieces there is nothing left but to grow your own investments.

You do not just jump into bed with Terry Tibbs or, apparently so anyway. Personally we are a bit too old for all that internetty-fashionable thing. Fonejacker, he is called, we think. But then again, it the story is all about motors, then so be it...

The Catch-22 with defensive stocks is that they are great in bad times but every knows it and that sentiment is already in the price. And when one of them is BAE, we think that it really is, well, a value defensive stock.