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Worst Friends Forever.

Coach Lewis is dead, and Brett has missed the funeral. Grief-stricken and guilt-spurred, he visits the road where, allegedly, a speed demon ran his coach down. There he meets a criminologist and a cowboy, each with his own interpretation of how the coach bought it. Only after the intervention of a blind jogger does Brett learn the truth, though at a price more costly than death itself—as if death weren’t expensive enough!

Doctors have never heard of it. Pharmacies don’t carry it. TV and radio aren’t advertising it. It’s the Gay Pill, and it’s only available in Chinatown. WARNING: THE GAY PILL IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE BY GAY MEN. If you happen to be in the company of a gay man who accidentally ingests one of these pills, call the Fire Department immediately, lest his penis start shooting flames.

Larry Larzboil will eat whatever it takes to win the approval of Art, Pep, and Genny. He has devoured every dish they’ve placed before him—even the Won Ton Waffles. But when they pit him against fellow party animal Breadcrumb in a crudely planned eat-off, Larry snaps on his friends-cum-oppressors, and the game of “What Would You Rather Eat?” turns deadly.

The FDA's Annual Report on Healthy Eating Habits states that recovering drug addicts who eat breakfast are more likely to stay sober than those who do not. For the outpatient high on skipping, researchers provide a list of hassle-free start-me-ups, including oatmeal and yogurt. Nowhere on the list does it say anything about microwave burritos. Que lastima!

In movies like A Beautiful Mind and Rain Man, autistic savants come off as troubled wierdos who are good at math. Crowe and Hoffman (and to a lesser extent, Matt Damon) have turned this character into a Hollywood stereotype. Sexual Genius proves that autistic savants don't always have to be good at math; they can be good at finding G-spots, too.

Lifelike Entertainment has a theory about violent video games: they shouldn't be complicated. While the successful completion of a dangerous mission can be rewarding, it doesn't hold a candle to blowing someone's face off with a double-barreled shotgun. This approach enabled Lifelike to pump out a record number 23 games in 2005, most notable among them, Cageman.

For the past six years, Alan Witkowski has dined alone: one place setting, one bottle of suds, one lonely teardrop. Out of step and out of ideas, the Professor invites Greg—a pizza deliveryman—to dinner. What follows is perhaps the most awkward eating experience ever caught on film.

Doctors have never heard of it. Pharmacies don’t carry it. TV and radio aren’t advertising it. It’s the Gay Pill, and it’s only available in Chinatown. WARNING: THE GAY PILL IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE BY GAY MEN. If you happen to be in the company of a gay man who accidentally ingests one of these pills, call the Fire Department immediately, lest his penis start shooting flames.