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Mr Vista is stricken with a spot of the winter flu. But, hey, that's no problem for the geek-meister. He has just had his anti-virus application installed. Just as well his brain doesn't contain too many files! Guest writer: Michelle Goode. Music by Louis Derry.

Mr Vista has one final attempt at getting his Windows 7 inspired advert made. We have heard that he has been working on some 'exciting' ideas - he just needs to print them out. Yes, we can all see where this is going, stupid printer drivers. But go with it. At least it is short. And the last one of these advert thingies.

Mr Vista was so pleased to discover that you internet people enjoyed his half-assed spoof of the Windows 7 advert - that he has decided to do a take 2. This cyber stardom may all be going to his head, or at least his hat!

Mr Vista is back for one more desperate clutch at online fame, now that is generally yesterday's news and everyone is watching Anne Widdicombe instead. The blue-hatted legend starts will some little teaser episodes to ease you back in. He got quite upset at the "Windows 7 second guide" adverts on TV and so tried to make his own instead.

We were all very proud when YouTube wanted to feature Mr Vista as a case study in how to get the most out of their new 'Hot Spot' feature. Recognition, fame, pride. We all need such things. And who better to deliver it then a large, advert funded, mega corporation! This new feature allows you to see how a video holds the attention of the viewer. Adam Sense, from YouTube, talks through the system and how it could be used to make Mr Vista a richer experience for viewers everywhere. The man clearly understands the exciting nature of this new artform with an eye to the sensibilities of its growing audience and the boundaries of its aesthetic potential.

YES! We see a 'welcome' return to the Brain Transfer Kit! As seen in previous episodes it has now returned to seek revenge. Perhaps it should be used to forget the entire second series of Mr Vista. But remember, as "The Colleague" says - if you are going to use the Brain Transfer Kit (tm) then obviously make sure that you back your brain up first. Losing 10 years of photos when your hard drive goes down is nothing compared to having your mind reformatted. All those childhood memories can't be recovered. But then maybe that is for the best. And if you wait long enough old age will dull the pain. It ensures that the cumilative experience of lost chances and regrets - aka your life - slips in a grey fog. Now if only we could invent a brain RAID! More, as ever, at www.mrvista.net

Ever feel like you aren't getting anywhere in life? Well now you can relive those feelings of boredom, despair, lethargy, melancholy - and my own personal favourite; the feeling of being ineffective. All via the medium of the SatNav. Enjoy! More ways to waste your life over at www.mrvista.net

Just as it gets sunny let's remember what a real British trip to the seaside should be like! Yeah! Us geeks aren't really happy with all this good stuff. Damn, we may even lose our paleness!!! So think of this video as something comforting. So now - the full awful, tragic and depressing evidence of Mr Vista's so-called holiday. A spin off from a previous episode as so many people seemed to like the brief glimpse of his trip and wanted to see more downbeat miserable drudgery to quench their Mr Vista thirst! Should remind you of your childhood too!

The wage slave Mr Vista tries to plan a holiday. Economics intervene! This episode sees the return of the progress bar! At last!!! If you are late to the party then head on over to www.mrvista.net to see previous wranglings with the progress bar from hell. Seeing as how it was what started this whole ridiculous thing then it makes sense to have it in every now and again. In the same way that you have to invite that uncle around 3 times a year even though he smells of despair. Enjoy. Guest writer: Dom Carver

You know how it is. You ask for a personal jet pack, a simple enough request, and yet it never arrives!

Estimated time to microwave this dinner - 2 minutes. Yeah right! It seems like progress bars and the the back of food boxes have a lot in common! Today's fine episode was sent in by writer Dom Carver.

Dis week u can c a vid all about smileys and acronyms. So if u dont no your 'lmao' from your 'rtfm' then this is the film 4 u! :) Please also be aware that I now feel ill from typing this and am expecting society to fall at any moment. But before that happens please do not deny yourself a final moment of please and the 'enjoyment' of this weeks slice of geek related fun that is Mr Vista. Take it away you blue-suited clown...

Mr Vista has pulled at last! Virtually of course. Remember the bad old days? Back then to get a cheeky peek of the female form took effort. Probably involving making 'Scuff Face' Andrews* give you a bunk up so you peek in through the girl's changing room's upper windows - as an example. What a waste of time! And they painted them over after a few weeks anyway. Pah! Well there is none of that now. The onward march of technology, the billions of dollars invested in technology, the decades of work putting in an international network of inter-connected servers have all paid off. The time is now! Now some girls will give you a tease for free. Awesome. And better for Scuff Face's back too! * Replace your long suffering friends name here - eg. Chubby Cheng, Killer Khan, Beak nosed Brenda or just plain old 'Fart breath'.

If you have always wanted to be a first class and excellent cam-whore then Mr Vista can help you. I mean, what better way is there to gain self respect and claim your dignity than posing about on the net. I'm sure that was what the internet was invented for wasn't it. So feel free, flirt away, it makes the opposite sex value and admire you - honest!

Everyone is at it. Even your dear old nan. So this week, the modern era's answer to Buster Keaton gets all piratebay on your ass. Therefore (and thus) we proudly present Mr Vista's attempt to download some free feature films. Obviously you wouldn't know anything about that - would you!

You know how it is. You get your shiny new storage doo-dah and you just know that this time you will never fill it. I mean, come on, who needs to be able to store 1.4MB / 700MB / 4GB / 1TB (delete as applicable dependent upon the age of yourself) anyway? Who has that much crap? Well, clearly, you do! And so do I. Nuts. This episode also features a handy blip-vert of the whole of series 1. In effect series 1 in a compressed form to save on storage. It isn't infinite you know! And for the geeks out there - yes, that really is an original issue windows XP launch T-shirt. Jealous much?

You know how it is. You get your shiny new storage doo-dah and you just know that this time you will never fill it. I mean, come on, who needs to be able to store 1.4MB / 700MB / 4GB / 1TB (delete as applicable dependent upon the age of yourself) anyway? Who has that much crap? Well, clearly, you do! And so do I. Nuts. This episode also features a handy blip-vert of the whole of series 1. In effect series 1 in a compressed form to save on storage. It isn't infinite you know! And for the geeks out there - yes, that really is an original issue windows XP launch T-shirt. Jealous much?

You know how it goes, you turn on your computer to find a new 'software update' is available to download. So you click to download and install it straight away, excited by the new features and envisioning a dream of a bug-free lifestyle - yes? Wrong! What are you an idiot or something? Fear change. It is there to funk up your beautiful calm existence. Don't be the first in there. Don't put your hand up and volunteer. Don't jump in with both feet, or even one foot. Let all the gung-ho fat-heads around jump in first to discover it was really a pool of acid. Those first out of the trenches are the first to be shot. I mean, be careful, otherwise you may find something 'interesting' happens in your life. And we don't want that, do we! As you can see this film also features Brian from Family Guy and a nice retro VHS copy of Monty Python's Life of Brian. I'll just say that again, it was Family Guy and Monty Python's Life of Brian - you know, just in case the web crawlers and search engines didn't pick it up first time :)

Don't you wish you could undo the past 52 seconds of your life you just wasted watching this? Well tough. You can't. No amount of Z key bashing can erase the image of a strange man doing very little - and doing it right on your own PC screen where you should feel safe from being abused by such nonsense and ridicule. Anyway - shouldn't you be worried instead about trying to undo the past 10 years of your life, back to a time when words like 'potential' and 'opportunity' meant something to you rather than just sounding like cliche and callous terms your manager would say? P.S. - the escape key won't work in real life either.

Yes! He is back. At last, finally, after all this time. He returns like a great blue hat wearing superhero with his green progress bar shaped cape fluttering in the wind of time. Yes back, better than ever.* Well nearly. In fact he isn't. But he will be. Soon. The progress bar of editing is the most erratic of all. But he will be back next week, right here. In the meantime I found this never before seen episode left over in the 'trash'. I guess it is left over as it isn't funny, poignant or even interesting. But tough. Here it is anyway. And it will help you get the taste of failure and ineptitude back in your mouth so you can fully enjoy next week's brand new 'adventures'** *not legally binding, you may indeed decide he is more juvenile, puerile or facile than ever. ** not strictly adventures as nothing ever happens

If you, or anyone you know, has a birthday this year. You'll love this... Perhaps you too feel the progress bar of your earthly existence slipping away. Remember when you were young, you had your whole progress bar in front of you? A long expanse of transparent glass-effect goodness and hope? Not anymore. These days the green seems to be oozing out of every pixel. And the one thing you fear more than the fact it is colouring is - is when it will stop. And all those so-called choices you made didn't really make any difference as the bar continued it's relentless dash towards the end of the window. Maybe you even have a page-a-day calendar. Perhaps a Dilbert one, or one with dogs on it. Good for you. A quick giggle everyday. Well from now on, everytime you rip off a page, I hope you'll remember Mr Vista and ruminate upon your rapidly depleting days upon this Earth. Enjoy. It's supposed to be comedy you know.

This week (as you are all big Mr Vista fans by now) there was no need to actually add the progress bar - you can imagine it yourself!

Time drags. So a little day dreaming helps Mr Vista. If you are sitting at work and waiting for 5 - you are not alone!

Mr V just wants a cup of tea. But then his colleague, the World's most boring man (TM) arrives. Please you stupid kettle, BOIL!!!

Mr Vista shows the pathetic nature of existence - using the medium of a progress bar

A video for ever computer user who has been to toilet. Hey - a broad audience is my think okay!

Estimated time until you complete watching this video... 90 seconds.